Engagements, Then and Now
The day a couple becomes engaged has to be one of the most important events of their lives. It is a day they will always remember and will probably tell their children and grandchildren about for years to come. In America and many other countries, becoming engaged also involves the giving of gifts, most commonly a ring, given to the woman, but other gifts may be given as well. Sometimes the woman gives the man an engagement present, and family and friends sometimes treat the couple to a party and give them gifts. A candlelit dinner for two might be a typical setting, but a beautiful site outdoors, like a beach or on a mountain, is equally romantic. The idea of engagement or betrothal (which conveys a somewhat more binding commitment) has a long history, and many of the customs attached to it have changed over time and vary from culture to culture.

History: The history of engagement or betrothal goes back to ancient times when a marriage between a young woman or girl (often as young as twelve or even younger) would be arranged between her family and the man wishing to marry her and/or his family. Many times these “arranged marriage” betrothals would occur when children were not even old enough to realize what marriage meant, and they were often arranged for political or economic reasons. However, this does not mean that there was no romance or love present in these betrothals, and sometimes a deep love developed later on in the marriage, or a couple in love would get their parents to formalize their relationship, thus getting them to arrange a betrothal to someone they would have chosen on their own..

In ancient Rome, two people had to reach the age of conubium, the age of consent, in order to wed legally (for girls, twelve, and for boys, fourteen). The formal betrothal was called a sponsalia, but the role of the father, the pater familias, was considered so important, that many women stayed legally under the authority of their fathers, even as married women. However, marriage was normally not considered sacred or binding, except in a special type of marriage called a “Confarreatio”; other marriages could be dissolved by the two parties simply shouting “I divorce you” three times in front of witnesses.

In ancient Israel, betrothal was a sacred rite, connecting the two people together in a bond almost as permanent as marriage. Though they normally did not cohabit, the betrothed couple would be considered adulterous if they broke their betrothal promises. The story of Mary and Joseph in the book of Matthew of the New Testament illustrates the nature of this kind of betrothal.

The rise of Christianity led to a continued and perhaps even stronger view of marriage as a sacred commitment, with the rite seen as permanently binding on both parties. Betrothal, more binding than a modern engagement, was taken seriously in the early Church. St. Augustine wrote in the fourth century about betrothals in Africa having to be written and signed by the bishop. As Christianity spread throughout Europe, marriage laws continued to develop, with consent being the heart of the marriage ceremony. In the late twelfth century, “banns of marriage,” public notification of the names of those intending to wed in order to be sure there was no impediment to the upcoming marriage, were used in France, and the practice spread, becoming church law in 1215.

Around the World: Many traditional customs continue in engagement and betrothal practices today, along with newer traditions:

• Africa: couples “jump the broom,” symbolizing their move from a single to a married life; they also sometimes literally “tie the knot” with a ribbon connecting the couple by the wrists;

• Ireland: the Claddagh ring, with two hands encircling a heart, dating back to 1689, is still used as an engagement ring (as well as for other meanings, depending on how it is worn and on which finger);

• Korea: the bride-to-be must be approved by the groom’s family, even as the groom-to be traditionally had to be approved by his fiancee’s family in European and American tradition;

• Mexico: in the north of Mexico, a “commitment ring” is given about a year prior to the marriage, and sometimes the couple has “engagement godparents” who pay for some of the price of the wedding festivities.

• America: the bride receives a ring from the groom, often (but certainly not always) a diamond; traditionally, he would ask her father or parents for permission to propose before doing so (though this occurs less frequently today), and the traditional posture is for the man to propose to the woman on one knee.

Overall, engagement is a beautiful and magical time in the life of a couple. Though the traditions have changed over the years and vary across the world, the concepts of commitment and love remain an important part of the experience of engagement Gift-giving has been and remains a way to express the love of the engaged couple, as well as a way to show love and support for them in their new relationship.. eRegistry.com offers the perfect gift registry for any occasion. At eRegistry.com, one can find the perfect gift: from traditional gifts to cash gifts and charitable contributions. You can register for your wedding registry, honeymoon registry or bridal shower registry.